Autumn's name was no accident. I can trace my fanciful memories of this season of change back to my love of the apple orchards and pumpkin patches of Washington State. Chris has similar memories of the falls back in his hometown of Duluth, MN. My memories as a child of Washington are plentiful and I take in a sensory overload each time I let my mind consciously wonder back to those days. Dancing in between row upon row of any type of apple that you could absolutely imagine. The sweet smell of victory in picking the first apple of the season and beginning to load the wheelbarrow with the seasons harvest. The taste, crunch and texture of some of the sweetest apples I have ever tasted. The pleasure I took in searching for just the right pumpkin. I never liked the perfect ones, more the Charlie Brown type that I knew many would never approve of. The memories go on.
Autumn is also a time of balance in the earths journey around the sun. It's a season where change is the name of the game, where the bright colors of the summer and spring are balanced with the deeper hues of burnt oranges, dark yellows, and deep reds. Autumn evokes harmony in nature, a season where great preparations take place as old man winter sits just over the horizon. It's a time when colors come alive, when the old begins it's journey to fall towards the earth again only to be reborn in the spring.
It's a season of harvest where those in the Midwest begin to 'reap what they've sowed' and if you're quiet enough, perhaps you can hear the buzz and hum of the tractors working from sun up to sun down to provide our tables with their bountiful harvest. And just as Jason Aldean so rightly puts it in his 'Fly Over States', you truly haven't lived until you've caught a Harvest Moon in Kansas. Thankfully, I can die happily knowing I have. Autumn harvest, falling for Autumn, grateful for Autumn, the list is abundant. The intricacies of Autumn are even more fascinating. Since I was a little girl who began a very young obsession with this season it has marked a field day in the kitchen. Now as a grown woman and an {always-improving} homemaker, I find myself nostalgic around this time of year when in the kitchen especially. Fall in essence represents the spice of life. Clove, ginger, allspice, and then there's my personal faves, cinnamon and Nutmeg (our little A's loving nickname). These tastes of the season, along with another fave, pumpkin, make it into almost everything that I cook during this time of year. From french toast to a cup of homemade chai. From pancakes to chili. From cornbread to cookies. There is nothing that quite evokes the senses like a kitchen permeated with all of the best of the season. And to add to all of that, I get greeted with this Autumn welcome after each and every taste test. (at least up until this point in her sweet, young life!)
The Autumn Equinox came and went on September 22 and it put an entirely new definitive spin on our phrase 'Oh the changes Autumn brings...' 10 months into parenthood and the emotional wear and tear that new parenthood has a way of bringing is in the midst of dissolving just as the blazing heat of the Florida summer is behind us. It's quite remarkable what parenthood does to a mother, father and the unit as an entirety. ( I hear the first one is the hardest, and in fact it gets
"For many of us, life is jammed with rush, noise, convenience, and stress. There is little time left for contact with the natural world... Why are we living like this? Never in our history have we been so well off, yet living such poor quality lives. Is this all there is? Surely not." - Rohan Anderson, Whole Larder Love
It is of my opinion that in order to parent the best that we can, we truly, honestly, purely, deeply, must have an understanding of ourselves. Afterall, that tender age of 0-7 marks us for the rest of our lives. And to understand ourselves we need to strip the layers. Or as one of my greatest teachers at this present time would say, we must spend more time being 'human beings, not human doings'. Simple, yet so profound. The paradox of my beliefs on this topic is remarkable so I discovered. I am a yoga teacher teaching the power of quieting the mind yet since I was a child I have been a DOER. Thanks to Autumn in all her splendor, I have been in the process of finding a very healthy balance of both, leaning more on the being end. I won't perform as well unless I'm in a place of calm, I've operated that way all my life. The problem is, shutting out the chatter and listening to my very intuition and soul as a mother. It has truly been more of a challenge than I thought. We are all born with our soul, yet our society and culture has a way of burying it deep inside our beings.
Just when I thought I had myself all figured out a rewiring took place in my mind after I had Autumn and change emerged. True to her namesake, transformations occurred in earth shattering ways. Ways at first I was fearful of and resentful of, yearning for that woman that I was before I became a mother. Stripping myself of a good portion of my self-actualization and accepting Autumn in fully (figuratively and quite literally) has made me who I am today. Stripping my direction and purpose that I thought I had figured out in it's entirety has given me perspective and experience beyond what I could have ever fathomed. Allowing myself to breach the constructs of the concept of 'modern motherhood' has given me a laundry list of reading material that I am immersed in and mentors that I never would have had. If I had it my way, I most likely would have been knee deep in what I considered the 'bible' while I was pregnant, Dr. Sears 'Attachment Parenting'.
My point is that I at one point thought that I would follow 1 book (or 2 or 3) and have parenting figured out. I find it fascinating how I was caught in such a mind trap of thinking that if I had tackled everything up to this point in my life with gaining wisdom on the subject then parenting would be no different and I would dive head on. I undoubtedly underestimated the incredible emotional wear and tear having a child has on a mother. The truth is that we live in the information age where we find ourselves googling every ailment a child may have and scouring the information highway for every blog/article we can find on the appropriate development of an (*insert month) old. (and I am 100%
Why do some of us feel the necessity to reinvent the wheel? Sure maybe there are a few things that we want to do differently from our mothers, and their are cultural and generational differences on bottle feeding vs. nursing, baby carriers and sleep methods, but why are they, the mom's before us, oftentimes the very ones we are avoiding? I thought it appropriate that Susan Maushart, the author of a book that literally changed my life as a mom, The Mask of Motherhood, mentioned that while we seem to be a generation that avoids 'old wives tales' like the plague, we will at one point be 'old wives' ourselves, most likely wishing for our children to perhaps take just a fraction of our words of wisdom from the 'battlefield.'
While at Panera Bread the other day a bright, older women approached Autumn and was just oohing and awwing over her smile and persona. (Autumn knows how to really put on the charm at this point in her life). She made it a point to say 'Be careful mama, you wouldn't want her to choke on that necklace'. You see, we got Autumn an amber healing necklace for her teething that is completely safe for babies, but somewhat of the 'newer' generation of moms (even though the indigiounous cultures have been using this concept for centuries). The 'older' perspective that I had would have been very guarded about my decision to use the necklace, but with a smile I carefully explained the logistics and the woman nodded in agreement and replied 'Well, just another old wives tale you know, but then again, I have plenty of those for you!' I laughed and told her thank you for her advice and for stopping by to say hi to sweet Autumn. Knowing very well that 40 years from now I may find myself in the exact same position, approaching a sweet baby in a cafe and perhaps find an 'old wives' tale or two that I might choose to share and I hope that perhaps that mama will at least just listen. After all, those 'old wives' tales probably worked at some point. And the true beauty of the situation is placing greater honor and respect in the generations prior that have been through the 'mud and the muck', and without handy apps, boppies, bumbo seats, and binkies (gasp, something our generation knows so little about!)
So in full celebration of Autumn's first Autumn, I'm taking this as an opportunity to turn a new leaf. To discover the true 'Art of Autumn' which means a welcome of transformation, perspective and balance to what has been a 10 months of just trying to 'ease into motherhood' when somedays I have felt as if I have been thrown head first, fast and furious, in. I have never resisted change and so this time should be no different in my life. It is my goal for this season and for the coming year to embrace this identity transformation as my own, finding harmony and peace in being comfortable with the mother that I am and that I am becoming. To tap more into the innate mother bear instinct that is prevalent in all of us and to be strong in my voice. The temptations are there to be in a constant comparison, one mom against the next. I truly want to be at a point where I am learning from other mom's and desire only the same in return. No two mom's will mother the same, no two children will be the same. Creating an identity as a mother and owning it is more difficult than I had imagined and I know that the challenge will only continue over her years of development. But after all, as a fellow mama put it, each little being chose each one of us specifically as a mother and there must have been a greater plan to it all right?
Here is to embracing the next few remaining weeks of Autumn in all of her origin. To welcoming the flow of this season into winter and with it the balance of light and dark as the days become shorter and the nights become longer. I found it fascinating that in researching the meaning of the Autumn Equinox, spiritually, it is also considered to be a time to reflect on the meaning of life. For me, it has been a time to reflect on the changes that have taken place in my very soul since becoming a mother. Changes which will only continue to shape my future ambitions and dreams beyond motherhood as well.
And finally, 3 months of a photo bomb of Autumn Rose enjoying 'Autumn' splendors....
