We spent the initial months of your growth in my belly prepping ourselves emotionally and mentally for your arrival. Your sister brought forth so many new life perspectives, such growth and such change for us that we were fearful at times that we couldn't handle that intense of an experience again. We began to doubt not so much the decision to bring you into this world so much as we were doubting ourselves and our ability to be the best parents possible. To work as the team that your dad and I know how to be but that we struggled with the first year with your sister. We grew more private with our thoughts and emotions on your journey of growth week-to-week than we were with your sister not because you are any less special but because this experience for us was different. We in fact were different and changed and we in essence, chose a completely different path for your journey into this world than we did with your sister. A path that would assist in bringing healing to our family.
I have strived more than ever to continue on my own path of emotional growth all the while knowing that every thought, feeling and moment has the ability to affect you. You have felt me at my best, and felt me at some of my worst. You have sensed the vibrations of my tears and trickling of joy of my belly laughs at your sisters antics. You have listened to the peacefulness of my heartbeat while in meditation and the strife in my heartbeat as I have hit many bumps on my journey through motherhood. Feelings of being overwhelmed, and learning along the way that while I am by no means a domestic goddess, that I certainly try my best every single day to hold down the homefront while entertaining your adventurous big sister. And in turn, all the while maintaining a sense of self. You see little one, I hope that you hold onto something that as a baby you will know by nature,
"It is not selfish to fill your own cup so that you can pour into others. It's not just a luxury, it is essential."
I hope that you are born with your dads big heart, endearing sensitivity, and quirky wittiness. He has always had the ability to make me laugh and you will learn that as your mama, I tend to take myself too seriously at times. I rely on your dad and your sister to help me see the lighter side of life. I have no doubt that you will bring me just as much joy and laughter as they do. And while we're talking about balance, I do wish that as I have been taking it physically more easy with you, that all of the yoga and meditation will make you an excellent little sleeper. And if not, that is ok too. The forces of nature sometimes can't be controlled we have learned. Your dad and I fully expect to not sleep for the next few years, but if you could help make that happen sooner than later you would be an absolute saint!
Your sister is growing to adore you already. She has learned to say 'bebe' and point at my belly and a few times I know you have responded to her little pokes as she has become fascinated with my 'outtie'. You will learn an incredible amount from her, after all she will have an 18 month head start on you.
She'll teach you to how to nurture a garden....
And that no matter what mom and dad are doing you can learn to do it too...
She'll teach you how to draw on the 'red wall' (and only the 'red wall').....
And how to relax, do some yoga, and read on a sunny afternoon....
She'll teach you that splashing in the ocean is one of her all time favorite pastimes already....
And that being outside and eating a few strawberries in nature can bring serenity to your soul (and belly)....
She'll teach you that loving on your fur sisters is one of the best things ever....
That you should tap into your inner creative artist on a daily basis (Autumn's preferred attire/seat for sketching these days...)
And being curious, exploring, and questioning the world around you is essential to life itself....
We're patiently awaiting your arrival little one and the immense love for you in our hearts is growing with each passing day. You will quickly find once you come into our family that we by no means have it all together. I will continue as your mama to live by the mantra that you will not remember the dirty dishes, dog hair, piles of laundry and the neverending 'to-do' list, but instead you'll remember the love and memories that we made. In fact, your sister pulled one of my intention rocks off my altar table the other day and I found it in plain sight after I put her down for a nap. Perhaps it was intentional, perhaps not, but none the less a sweet reminder of something that I try to tell myself everyday....And I truly needed it that day.
It's chaos on many days but we hope that you'll find enough love that your cup will always feel filled.
Sometimes your dad and I call you 'he', sometimes 'she', we don't know which one you are yet but are delighted to have the surprise when you make your entrance onto this big rock sometime in July. Know that you will bring absolute joy to our family no matter what....while you're still cozy and growing stronger by the day inside the womb, I'll continue to just call you my little one.
All my love,
~Your mama
