Perhaps great gifts come with great burdens.

Burdens too great for the human mind to comprehend. Because after all, we are dynamic and balanced individuals by design~light and dark.  Once we begin to understand that any number of us, given the story of his own battle, could have been Robin Williams, only then do we begin to understand the full potential each of us has to be a healer and a warrior of the human heart. 'Hurt people, hurt people.' The cycle must be first understood in order to be broken. 

Within "In Case of Spiritual Emergency", brilliant author Catherine Lucas helped to enlighten my own dark nights of the soul. (That  as well as incredible and ever-present spiritual mentor and support network.) Spending 14 days and nights in a mental hospital after the birth of my first born was hell on earth. And at a time where there should, in theory, be abounding joy in the wake of newborn snuggles and coos and deep, deep love. But it also awoke me to a stirring of my soul I had been ignoring.  A story over time that I will continue to integrate and feel confident in sharing more with an open heart. All of my demons from why I was here to where I was going to who I was came pouring out of my broken body, mind and spirit. I hardly knew my own name.  I hardly recognized my sweet Autumn that had spent 42 richly documented weeks in my womb after my return home.  I didn't even feel at 'home' any longer. The trauma ate at me from the inside out from dusk to dawn. The shame and anger and confusion and hopelessness was soul sucking.  I also became proof that many others know as well~pure joy can't mend the cracks alone, it is but a small component.  A newborn is the epitome of God's definition of joy yet when there is the dance of the shadows going on within a new mother, the joy, although a beacon of light, simply isn't enough to cover the dark.

I used to naively believe before that all problems could be left in the gym, on the pavement after a long run, at the bars on a Friday night, on my mat after a good yoga session and in my journal.  I used to preach and teach others this. I had to walk my own path to learn there was more to the balancing of a human soul. Lucas speaks of the 'Hero's Journey', a model created by mythologist Joseph Campbell. Using archetypal symbolism to chart precisely what it means to be human~light and dark.  I highly recommend it to anyone going through their own dark nights.  The beauty of the journey is, after all, all there is. 

And in the end, Williams did come full circle.  He ventured through all 12 stages many I'm sure over and over again. Because he brought with him, to the Ordinary World, the elixir in the form of his other worldly performances that made us all wonder where his delightfully maddening comedy and drama originated.  But alas, he became stuck between two worlds as he traversed The Road Back for only he knows how many times...many do indeed fail to make it back. But that doesn't mean their bravery and fearlessness and boldness shouldn't be remembered.  Williams did come back many, many times I believe, each time as a 'wounded healer' sharing his elixir with the world 

As I've dug deeper into my own soul and shadow over the years, and come to understand the world around me, I can now comprehend what Lucas speaks of towards the end of her book~the Global Spiritual Emergency. To those that have been through their own emergencies, the frequency of which we feel it is on many days overwhelming. 'With terror in our hearts and despair in our minds, our world as we know it collapses. Everything falls apart, falls away. We have to be prepared to let go of everything we knew to be familiar, to be of comfort", explains Lucas. Globally the process is no different~economically, environmentally, socially, culturally, morally~we are seeing seismic shifts. On Robin Williams death, Russel Brand parallels Lucas' theory on Global Emergency saying that Williams is but a canary in a coal mine, and I agree. Along with the events occurring in the Middle of the Earth there is a bigger picture to understand.  We all have the potential to live more mindfully and consciously on every level from our purchasing power to how we choose to respond, rather than react, to those around us. I look in the mirror daily to work on what I can and still know I have so, so far to traverse.  But every day I count my lucky stars that these two have inspired me to be more awake and alive and reaching for better days.

And as I speak to those who have traveled the dark nights their seems to be a similar thread throughout the tales of their lives~their hearts, though broken, are more open than ever. They make effort to choose kindness and love, courage and connection, vulnerability and understanding.  They see each human for his/her story, no two the same.  And these acts may not be easy, but I want to believe they are primal.  Encoded within the DNA of each one of us is the capability for all of these. After all, within the very way we refer to the body of our people is a foundation of gentleness~human KIND.  And yet I know the difficulty and complexity of both sides. The perplexity in understanding how someone can be denying happiness though it's right in front of the windows to their soul. And I know the terror and anger and despair and sleepless nights that fighting the shadow self brings. And the confused family and the detachment from 'normal' and the deep, deep sadness as to where your True North lies. 

But we each have a calling. And I believe within that calling is a journey that we can at times become terrified to make. But within the very definition of a journey lies valleys and storms, uncertain paths and heaven reaching mountains to climb. I've envisioned before the great explorers of the world halting at the first sign of distress~Christopher Columbus at the first storm on the Atlantic, Lewis and Clark at the first mountain they had to climb.  Yet they chose bravery and courage, and I feel even in the process of searching for our souls purpose, rather than new lands, we must do the same.  And if we could stop our human RACE and being human DOINGS and take the time to be human BEINGS (a whole-hearted thank you to my spiritual mentor, Dr. DeMaria for this distinction) then perhaps we would realize not one of us is exempt from The Call to Adventure.  And their may be many, many times that we Refuse the Call in the busyness of our lives. But it will keep knocking, and knocking and eventually barge through unwelcome and unexpected such as in combat, a life threatening event, an unknown trigger, an eating disorder and even the birth of a tiny miracle.  But try to look at this as only the beginning, a re-birth of the self.  And just as in the innocence of a newborn child and the newness of the world to their beautiful souls, so is the newness to your new world. Or the new world of a friend or family member who is answering The Call.  And what do we do with a newborn? We nurture and love, feed and clothe, sooth to sleep and have copious amounts of laughter and playtime sprinkled in the day. We're sensitive to their needs. There is nothing like having a baby that forces one to see the basic formula for life I would like to believe, and with a re-birth of the soul, perhaps this refining is only meant to take one back to the original rhythm we came from.  So if you know someone sitting in the dark, create space for them.  Sit with them, be with them, listen to them, connect with them.  Help them with their basic needs such as food, water, rest, sunshine and laughter.  Think in your heart this is in essence what we were created for~one another. And you aren't the hero in the story, they're the hero in their own story. You have your journey to take and only you can be the hero of your own.  They will find the answers along their path though it may be an agonizing and brutal and difficult process to witness much less undertake...but there is beauty hidden behind each and every twist and turn.  So don't be there to mend or fix the shattered pieces of their lives, be there to witness the unfolding as over time they begin to see the world through entirely new eyes. 

"Love came in the morning.
Standing as still as light...
How could I have dreamt of such a dawning
After so dark a night."
~Anonymous