Mt. Brightside: Autumn's Birth Story Part II: To the hospital...

I don’t remember the very moment when Chris and I decided that it was time for us to make the long 45 minute drive to the hospital but we did indeed wait until contractions were approximately 3 minutes apart and a minute in length. We walked in the chilly January breeze for what felt like several hours but was only about an hour. Funny thing is in order to preserve our privacy even more we drove down our street to a dirt road that we always walk the dogs on and paced that road rather than risk the chance of the neighbors seeing me stopping in the middle of the road during contractions and wondering why we weren’t at the hospital yet! Looking back, oh the things we did for privacy!

When we returned to the house, I noted on the timer that the contractions were coming closer together, the walking worked! I quickly rehydrated and began to get busy around the house packing last minute things in the hospital bag (that had been packed for 3 weeks, so long that I had to keep taking stuff out to use and then put it back). I even made sure things like thank-you cards that weren’t completed were brought to the hospital thinking we would have time to fill them out while we were there, along with her birth announcements that never made it into the mail (sorry Autumn, things just got a little hectic!). Boy, was I wrong as to all the free time that we would have. Perhaps if the post-partum stay at the hospital would have gone more smoothly, the time would have been plentiful, but that is something that I will delve into in a later post.

True to my character, I found myself being ‘busy’ even while contractions were becoming closer and closer. Triple checking the hospital bag had everything, checking to make sure everything was set for us to bring her home, and down to making sure that the pups were prepared for us to leave them for a bit. Chris was busy packing the bags and all that we would need at the hospital into the fourrunner, I was so incredibly thankful for my amazing partner in crime. He even forced me to take a nap on the couch while he finished last minute to-do's. Finding it hard to nap during contractions, I was getting anxious to make the call that it was time to go. Looking at my timer though, even as much as I was enjoying the comfort of my own home, I knew that it was time. Consistently contractions were 3 minutes apart and I didn’t want to run the risk of not actually making it to the hospital! We looked at each other, and locked up our home for the last time as a ‘couple’. The next time we would make an entrance Autumn would be out of my belly and in our arms. The realization was overwhelming for us both.

Surprisingly, the ride to the hospital was uneventful, even though we had heard of dozens of stories of daddies delivering babies in the car. Chris was prepared of course, as mentally as he could be, but are you ever really prepared to deliver your own baby? Some women choose on their own accord to have unassisted childbirths for many personal reasons but while we wanted our privacy while I labored at home, we definitely were hoping to make it to the hospital by the time she arrived. We talked about our Bradley classes and went over how we wanted to convey to the Doctors what our wishes were. Chris went over his duties as the ‘coach’ and all that I could think about was that this is it! It’s amazing how that became my mantra in a sense as well as several others that slipped in and out of my mind throughout delivery. It made me wonder what most women are thinking during that time? To me it was like a ‘national championship gameday’. All the months of practice, focus and anticipation culminating into one tremendous event. And for a first time mom, as much as I read every baby book, blog and article that I could get my hands on, nothing prepares you for those overwhelming feelings…nothing. But you know what? The unknown is what makes those feelings so incredible. The fact that you are about to bring life into this world is the most phenomenal feeling. It truly is a spiritual awakening in a sense, no matter what higher power you believe in.

At approximately 6:00 p.m. on January 3, 2012, Chris and I arrived at Eglin Hospital prepared to make the final step in bringing our little one into the world. I think we both had a moment in the parking lot looking into each others eyes going where we were both thinking ‘THIS IS IT’! I remember thinking we’re leaving the parking lot as a couple and will return 3 strong. The excitement of becoming new parents began to hit us more than ever. Are you ever really truly prepared at that moment I thought to myself?

We weren’t in that big of a hurry as contractions were still only about 2-3 minutes apart. We took the elevator up to labor and delivery and checked into the counter with a grin on our faces thinking we’re here to deliver little Autumn FINALLY! We immediately get taken into a holding room where I was to get examined for how far dilated and effaced Autumn was. I was anxious. I was examined by Dr. Dorris who prided herself on having more of a West Coast philosophy on delivery, hands off and let the mama do as much work as she wants. Amazing I thought to myself, how could we get so lucky to have someone that would completely honor our birth hopes? She examined me and we were completely stoked, 4cm dilated, contractions still 2-3 minutes apart, 50% effaced, -3 station and her heartbeat was rocking at 140 bpm. I had never felt more in tune with my body until having the experience of being in labor. I felt completely in control, prepared and fearless as to the stages that lie ahead. It is a feeling that is indescribable until you are in it and you can feel the little being inside of you beginning to make their preparations for their first breath of air. I trusted in my body and in my training that a medication- free birth was well within my reach. After being examined, we were taken into a birthing room, the first time that I had even seen one on Eglin and I must say it wasn’t half bad. My mom arrived shortly thereafter with the most thrilling look on her face of my baby is having a baby! I couldn’t have been more satisfied and confident in having her and Chris there as my doulas and my support.

I have to back up a couple of steps though because as educated as Chris and I were on what type of birth experience we wanted, we were naïve and overly optimistic as to the location. I have heard wonderful stories about Eglin and then I have heard horror stories. Because I was so convinced that we could create whatever experience we wanted at Eglin, we decided to ignore the red flags and continue with our care there. Needless to say we learned a valuable life lesson, trust your instincts, and if you desire the slightest bit of control over how you want to birth your child, a military hospital may not be your first choice. I’m not here to preach nor make an assumption that all experiences go awry, just forewarning that we fought for every choice that we made on how to birth Autumn and we shouldn’t have had to do that. It created more stress than was necessary for an experience that can truly be peaceful. As someone who survived an attempt to actively manage a birth that was going completely smoothly, I am here to tell you that the birth experience matters and it should be every woman’s right to attempt to birth how she desires. .

We were assigned a nurse after entering into the room and this is when I thought all hell was going to break loose. There was no introduction of her name nor what she was there to do, just a stack of papers that were shoved in front of me and she told me to sign each page. As I began asking questions in the middle of contractions that were getting increasingly stronger, her frustration began to grow. I remember thinking to myself ‘isn’t this why I filled out paperwork 3 weeks ago and turned in our pre-registration for birth? Are they really making me read and sign this stack of papers as I’m contracting?’ Not only was she incredibly rude, but there was a language barrier that only began to add to the situation. I just continued to breath through my contractions, and through the situation, finished signing the documents and then began to walk around the room. The next directions she had were to get into the bed in order to begin an I.V. Before I could even get the next sentence out of my mouth she pulled out the fetal heartrate monitor and by this time I got anxiety just looking at them. Given that I carried Autumn to 42 weeks (which mind you some women carry to 44), I had succumb to Non-Stress Test after Non-Stress Test and I began to see the word as some kind of sick oxymoron. It STRESSED me out to go to each and every test. If Autumn wasn’t on her best behavior through each test I got the infamous threat “we’re going to send you upstairs if she doesn’t cooperate?!” Upstairs meaning labor and delivery to be induced. It was like torture the last 2 weeks but I remained headstrong. I understood needing to ensure the health of Autumn but the fetal heartrate monitor was about as accurate and effective as TSA's security screening at an airport (we all have probably accidentally snuck something on a plane we shouldn't have). Half the time it didn’t work, I actually witnessed the nurse kicking the machine at one point in time and I swore that Chris’s ear to my belly tapping out her heartbeat which he did on a nightly basis was more accurate than those machines. So needless to say as the nurse began to strap it on me I felt a bit of anxiety rush over my body simultaneously as a contraction was coming. I immediately let her know that I didn’t want to be strapped to the bed the entire time, I knew that I had a choice, and also that I didn’t want to be hooked up the the I.V. drip, but wanted a heplock instead. You would have thought I asked her for the world on a silver platter with the look that I received. She persisted to say this is the only way to tell if the baby is ok and I repeated ‘can’t you use a stethoscope?’ of which she promptly began to treat me like I had no idea of the choices that were available to me. She began to argue that this was the only way and that I had to stay in the bed in order to get readings on the machine to ensure the baby is responding well to the contractions. My anxiety was building at this point, I could feel my blood pressure begin to rise and I knew that alone was not good for Autumn. I kept thinking to myself in the fog of these first 5 minutes in the birthing room, ‘How do I get the hell out of here! I don’t want to deliver here anymore!’ But I knew at that point in time I had no choice. I needed to find a way to breath through the treatment that I was receiving, as well as the contractions and defer to Chris to begin to fight for the experience that we wanted because all my focus needed to be on was bringing our daughter into this world.

Finally the nurse left and the next nurse came in to setup the I.V. of which I had to remind her I was getting a heplock because I knew the nurse that left would not be reminding her of that. Heplock in place, I was relieved that that battle was over. The next task was to get past the fetal heartrate monitor. This battle was not won easily. On a sidenote, we had even asked my nurse that I had the duration of my pregnancy ahead of time at one of my last appointments about the use of the fetal heartrate monitor and she said that it was only used in the beginning to test the babies reaction to the contractions. This was a relief to Chris and I as we knew that some hospitals had you strapped to the monitor throughout the entire birth. It was as if my worst nightmare was coming true though because the initial nurse was wanting me strapped in the entire time. Chris took charge and went out in the hallway to find the Doctor that had done my initial screening. Before he even asked about the fetal heartrate monitor he requested that we get a new nurse. He actually didn’t have to put up much of a fight because it turned out the other nurses on staff didn’t care for her mannerisms either. Firing her became the best decision we made and a new nurse, Nurse Lisa, was assigned to our room. She was completely accommodating for our wishes. In the meanwhile, Dr. Dorris came in and assessed the situation. She could tell that I wasn’t happy and that this was completely against what we wanted. Given that we were at a military hospital, this is where it got interesting. Apparently, we were one of the first couples to challenge this which had me in utter shock at first. ‘Just breath’ I told myself, ‘we’re going to work through this’. Another contraction came and went and I could then tune into what the conversation was that Chris was having with the Doctor. She was trying to say that I had to be hooked to the fetal heartrate monitor for 20 minutes each hour and if there were any breaks in the readings, which for those of you that are moms who have been attached to this contraption knows there are breaks constantly as the monitors are covered in gue attached to your belly and are sliding all over the place. Not to mention if you have an extremely active baby during contractions, which Autumn was, they constantly were loosing her heartbeat which signals that there is a break in the reading and you have to start the 20 minutes over again. It’s basically the perfect recipe to induce unneeded stress in a mother, increase her cortisol levels, and blood pressure which is also the perfect combination to halt labor all together. Then comes medication and the domino affect begins. My frustration was mounting but I continued to breath through the rushes. ‘Chris has got this’ I thought to myself. The Doctor ran out of the room and came back a few minutes later with a new answer. According to an AFI, which there's an Air Force Instruction (AFI) for everything in the military, the fetal heartrate monitor only has to give a reading for 20 minutes for every hour. Because Dr. Dorris knew we weren't satisfied and was attempting to lobby for us, she was able to negotiate 20 minutes for every 2 hours. We understood this was the best compromise we were going to achieve. At this point I was done fighting, the contractions were beginning to come quicker and I just wanted to get through this initial 20 minute reading so that I could move around.

This is when Team Autumn was born in my mind and really began to take full effect. I was able to stand beside the bed and sway with each contraction while Chris and my mom held the monitors to my belly. At this point I could have really let the frustration get to me but all that I could do was focus, smile and breath knowing that the four of us, Autumn, Chris, Mom and I would work as a team for the next 10 minutes that were left to time this initial set of contractions and then we could tear the monitor off and be done with it for a solid 2 hours. This is one of those situations that I can now look back and laugh at that I couldn’t initially. It took a team to get those monitors to stay on to get the readings to let us know that Autumn was riding the contractions like a champ and that I had no doubt of. If it’s one thing babies know how to do initially it’s how to birth themselves. In my sole opinion, it appears that it’s a lost art.

As soon as I was free of my chain to the bed, aka the fetal heartrate monitor, I immediately reached for my water, which by the way I wasn’t supposed to have but snuck it in anyways in order to stay hydrated and alert. I was warned that typically during labor solid foods won’t sound good but that staying hydrated is critical and I believe it. It’s a time in a woman’s life when she is working the hardest, the equivalent of swimming 5 miles and she is supposed to do it according to many hospitals without food or water in her stomach. I could do without the food, afterall we did make a quick McDonalds stop before the hospital and I knew it would be my last meal for sometime, but the water I needed. And Chris and mom were amazing at sneaking me sips here and there. After I initially felt the freedom of being able to walk around and get more into ‘the zone’, we prepped the room a bit more. Chris dimmed the lights which made a tremendous difference, he started the birthing playlist, and I just kept pacing and rocking my big belly back and forth. In taking an evaluation of what there was to offer in the ’birthing room’, there was nothing. Later on as I progressed in labor, they brought a rocking chair in but that was it. I had Chris run out to the fourrunner to get the birthing ball because the hospitals were flat. The instant I tried to use it I had to jump off, her head was too low! Which was good because that meant that the contractions were causing more effacement and her station was changing! Mind you the bed was my nemesis at this point, all my body wanted to do was move so I spent the better part of the next hour pacing the birthing room. The contractions began to come on stronger and longer, they were now about 1-2 minutes apart, 45 seconds in duration and I was feeling the intensity. This was when I began what is lovingly referred to as the labor dance with Chris. For approximately the next 2.5 hours Chris supported me as I leaned on him completely in the literal sense. Funny thing is during our Bradley classes sometimes we would poke fun at several of the positions noting that it would probably be something that I wouldn’t do. In the main event, you don’t choose what positions work best, your body chooses for you. It felt amazing to completely throw my arms around his neck and just hang there as I rode through each contraction. And as the intensity increased, as well as the moaning (which I also didn’t think I would be doing but again, it just felt right!) his encouraging words only got better. I had Chris to lean on completely, all the while mom is rubbing eucalyptus lotion on my temples, neck and lower back to relieve stress and tension, I kept thinking to myself in the midst of the pain, life is good and Autumn is getting so close! I also remember at that moment as I was beginning to near the end of the second stage of labor getting that bit of natural euphoria you get as a birthing mama. Maybe it was being surrounded by amazing support, the smell of eucalyptus that permeated the room, the dim lighting that made for peaceful surroundings or the sound of Florence + The Machine blaring through the laptop but I couldn’t help but feel this sense of complete serenity, control and confidence in myself in making this birth experience what we wanted. I felt that even though we had fought several battles already, that we were grateful that we had a new nurse that was on our side and believed in creating this experience. So long as baby is healthy, and mama is healthy that is all that matters…and we were. Autumn was doing amazing at doing her part in helping birth herself. And before I knew it, after feeling the sudden urge to use the bathroom ( Ahh, yes, modesty does begin to disappear with motherhood), my water broke at around 7:35 p.m. and I felt a huge drop in station of Autumn. I was shocked and at the same thinking to myself game on! She’s coming soon!

At this point in time I went back to the labor dance with Chris and the contractions were getting strong. Overwelmingly strong, painful but at the same time through diaphrammatic breath and focus, I just kept breathing. I went back and forth between the labor dance and pacing the hospital floor. If I could describe the way that I felt as the second stage of labor began to pass and I began to enter into the transition stage it would be INTENSE. What’s amazing is how your body begins to take over, you begin to channel the pain, and naturally, the hormones begin to kick into gear to be able to assist a women in getting through this phase. It is the shortest, albeit most trying stage of labor and the stage where you feel as though you hit a brick wall. And in a sense you do! I know that I did. Opting for no epidural, I knew going into this stage that there would be no going back. I also opted for no additional screenings to check for dilation of the cervix until the pushing phase. I did this so that I could keep moving around and not feel any more pain of a hand going to a place that I knew would feel very, very uncomfortable. I could tell just by the intensity of the contractions, the fact that they were coming 1-2 minutes apart, practically on top of one another with no rest inbetween, that the transition phase was looming near. Bring it I thought to myself.

It’s amazing how at this point, in my opinion, God gives a woman superhuman capabilities. He helps her to endure pain like she’s never endured before, gives her scary strength, and makes everything somewhat of a blur looking back on and you know what my theory is? Because if a woman could pinpoint exactly in words the pain and relive the transition phase through pushing, the human race might cease to exist! True story! It’s amazing looking back and retelling this story months later that so much of that timeframe is a fog and not only for me, but for Chris as well. And I believe for the same purpose. That if men had to remember verbatim what a woman goes through at that point in delivery there would be triple protection at all times for fear of having to witness his wife go through that very moment in time, if you get my drift.

Point being, it was just as the Bradley method had prepared us for, the most trying time in the delivery process. I was so thankful at that point that I could tell Autumn was effacing more, that her station was going down, and that hopefully before I knew it, the pushing phase would commence. But transition had to be gotten through first. It was just like me to have that moment to think one step ahead of the game rather than being present in the transition phase. But it was also motivation for me that Autumn was that much closer to being here.

By sheer grit, willpower and determination, I rode through contraction after contraction, leaning on Chris and taking them one right after the other. They began to come fast and furious to the point that thinking clearly and breathing through them became something that I had to consciously work through. And sometimes, even as someone who has practiced yoga for 7 years, I would forget to breath! Gasp! Literally. They’re so powerful they literally suck the breath and energy right out of you. Chris and Mom were ever vigilant in reminding me to just breathe. Yet again, my support system rocked socks and it truly was a team effort. I remember thinking in the back of my mind that my body could handle this. It was meant to handle it.

It was a blur of a moment when I found myself back by the bed and needing to take readings on the dreaded fetal heartrate monitor. It was a repeat of the first scenario with both Chris and mom attempting to hold the monitors to my belly except for this time I was in the most painful stage and it took every ounce of strength in me to not rip the monitors off in protest. Given the readings and little Autumn’s heartrate, Autumn was riding through the transition phase like a rockstar. And even though we have no recollection, and perhaps it is supposed to be this way, but I had to remember at that moment in time she was going through the ride of her life as well! She would be in the comfort of the womb no longer and making your way through the birth canal is no small feat. I kept thinking to myself we were all a team and that with all our powers combined, Autumn would be here before we knew it. (Captain Planet reference completely intentional ~ it was truly an epiphany moment that helped to ease the pain, for a split second at least!) The 20 minutes of attachment to the monitor went much more quickly this time perhaps because we had enough practice at it that we had it down to a science and I truly think Chris enjoyed being able to see the contractions on the screen and applaud me for getting through them as I was feeling them. After the reading was complete we ripped the monitors off once again and let me just tell you that the intensity of the contractions began to come tenfold and FIERCELY. As the intensity began to shake me to my very core I found myself bent over on the side of the bed on all fours in extreme discomfort. It was pain that I could channel through breath and moans, but on a scale of 1-10 I was definitely at an 8…severe pain.

It was at this point in time that I began getting the dreaded back labor and the intensity of it began to get overwhelming. I began to feel helpless as to how to channel the pain because it was getting so severe. At that point in time the nurse asks, of which I will never forget, “so are we going to have this baby on the bed or not?” Not exactly the question that you ask a woman in the transition stage in a non-medicated labor. Because of my focus, I couldn’t even respond, I just remember thinking to myself ‘is she serious with that question’? Many other laboring woman can agree I suppose that at times, you don’t know how or what position you’re going to deliver in. You just roll with it and do whatever feels right at the time. Because of the back labor I was feeling at the time, being on hands and knees just felt right. As the pain intensified I struggled to get up onto the bed and position myself into a modified hands-and-knees position. The pain was getting more outrageous with every contraction and it was determined that little miss Autumn was in somewhat of a sunny side up position, pressing firmly on my pelvis. The nurses began to recognize the agony that I was in and knew we needed to get her head to flip and that the position that I was in was only hindering her progress down the birth canal. At that time, the doctor that would eventually deliver little Autumn wanted to check for dilation as she could tell that I was nearing the pushing stage. My body was actually cueing me that that stage was upon me as well. The Dr. checked and I was 9 cm dilated. Almost 10 I thought to myself! The nurse asked if I wanted them to cue the pushing and I let her know that I wanted to spontaneously feel it on my own. There was a moment in time I will never forget. I had just about the right amount of time to take one final breath and clinging to the head of the bed I let out my first excruciating push. Spontaneously, I could just tell that it was that time. Similar to the feeling of the first contraction waving through your body, the feeling of the first push is one like no other as well. Many women describe it lovingly as taking the biggest #2 of your life (again, adios to the modesty), I say while it may begin like that, as the contractions strengthen and the pushes become more intense, there is the feeling that the lower half of your body is being ripped from the upper half.

The nurses and Chris knew that I was working against gravity being in that position with her head being in the location that it was so they began to coax me to flip into the pushing position. The bed was elevated and mom and Chris were there to help me bring my knees to my chest. Initially I was resistant to this position because I felt like the back pain all of sudden got 10x worse, but after several more pushes, I could actually feel her head relieve itself from the pressure it was putting on my pelvis and begin to get into a better position within the birth canal.

Here is where the fog begins. And where the chaos I felt first initiated itself.

I remember vividly several minutes into pushing that whatever peacefulness was in the room began to disappear, it was no longer just Chris, my mom and the nurse. The Doctors began to make their way in as Autumn’s arrival was getting closer. The pushing was fiercely intense. As the medical lights flashed on in my eyes above my head and I saw the flood of nurses and doctors enter the room, my heart sunk a little as I just deeply wanted a more calming atmosphere. Even in the midst of some of the most excruciating pain of my life, I noted the conversations now going on in the room, the unfamiliar faces and the calm that once existed gone as the storm began to brew. Because they could already determine that Autumn had meconiumed (a medical term for stooled, awesome right?!) inside of me, 3 pediatric nurses and Doctors were in the room on call. Two Doctors assigned to delivery and several other bystanders that I later learned were there just because they had gotten word of my intended natural labor and they hadn’t seen one before.

The Dr. assumed the position at the foot of the bed prepared to catch Autumn as the nurse, my mom and Chris continued to coach me through the pushing. There was barely enough time for a breath and I pushed and pushed and pushed, feeling resistance as her head was still in an awkward position in the birth canal. On a positive note, Chris could tell she was making progress and his words were encouraging. I began to tune out the external ‘noise’ within the room and focus on being present with those that were assisting me. I closed my eyes several minutes in the pushing and would not open them until she arrived except for a brief moment when Chris had me feel that she was crowning. It was one of those moments that I will never forget. Never did I think that it would motivate the pushing as much as it did when I could tell that she was almost there.

With eyes wide shut, I gutted through each and every single push. I felt the ‘ring of fire’ almost simultaneously as she was beginning to crown and it was then that I channeled this ‘pain with a purpose’ even more. She was so close I continued to tell myself. Along with Chris and my mom cueing the pushes, the nurse began to jump in and assist as well. The blur of intensity was truly setting in and in order to keep my pushes on track I was actually thankful at that time that I had some coaching.

Push after push after push commenced and as extreme as the pain was, I could feel with each push she was progressing. I couldn’t wait to meet her I thought! I also kept thinking that I didn't know if I could push any harder! Because she was partially sunny side up, she was making her entrance in a round about way.

The moment of exhausting euphoria finally arrived when her head was out and it was several pushes and gleaming looks from Chris later that her shoulders were out, he cut the cord and she was wisked away. I remember the feelings that were going through my body at that moment. Exhaustion. Relief. And a bit of sadness that she wasn’t sitting there on my belly. Because she had stooled inside of me, she had to be taken away immediately to clear any fluids that may have gotten inside her lungs.

From here, the blur even gets more intense. It's a wonderful, miraculous moment like finishing a marathon but instead of a medal you get a little bundle of joy that you've been waiting 42 long weeks to meet. As a new mommy you also can't collapse like you might at the finish line, you had better be camera ready because all eyes are on you and that little miracle. It is profoundly overwhelming and so primal at the same time.

Chris stayed on incredible course with his coaching and brought me the orange juice and coconut water that we had packed right away. It was quite frankly the most refreshing combination of drinks I had ever had. As I anxiously waited, exhausted, for little Autumn to be placed in my arms this is where the fun part truly began (insert sarcasm). Not only did Autumn make her grand entrance into the world fashionably late at 42 weeks exactly, but she decided to come out like superwoman, fist pumping, ready to take on the world! While I certainly adore the girls style, down there (ah-hem) did not. I had what the hospital referred to as a periurethral tear as well as a vaginal sidewall repair. One that occurs on the internal vaginal wall and one that I had not even heard of before. I'll save the details of the stitching and just note that 2 painful hours later (using only lidocaine for pain relief) the stitches were complete and I could finally establish a normal breastfeeding routine with Autumn. It was amazing how she latched like a piranha and we truly never even needed a consult. She was receiving the colostrum well and it was truly a bonding experience that began.

I want to stop right here and take a moment to note that no matter the trauma that happened during birth and consecutively in the days and weeks after post-partum, we had a happy, healthy and extremely thriving baby girl. Her birth story is hers and hers alone and while it was not all rainbows and butterflies for mom and dad, she certainly has stayed true to her dad's quote that he said all those weeks ago while I was pregnant..'Oh the changes Autumn will bring'..and changes she did bring! So the post-partum period at the hospital and beyond will be in another post as Part III, still to be written. As educated as I was about childbirth and pregnancy, I was naive in not understanding the possibilities of the post-partum period. It is something I have since become educated on and passionate about, as well understanding the real struggles that many women endure after they leave the hospital.

I must note that being a stay-at-home mama to little Autumn has been one of the most trying and absolutely incredible experiences of my life. Truly and completely life-changing. And whenever my mind gets racing in the middle of diaper changes, feedings, coo's and giggles and entertaining her every need, I remember this amazing quote that should be a mantra of all mommies and daddies everywhere:

"Women rock a sobbing child without wondering if today's world is passing them by because they know they hold tomorrow tightly in their arms.." - Neal A. Maxwell

She has taught me to be more present than I ever have been in life because each and every moment she grows is fleeting.

Below are some of the very first pictures of Autumn when she was born on that chilly January day...