I became inspired to write this piece when I read this phenomenally true quote, a quote that every parent out there I believe can relate to:
“Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world.
But they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they are
born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.”
– Ray Romano
As a mom of only 5.5 months and
counting, I’ll admit to thinking I had it all figured out. I’ll admit it 1 million times over that I
knew what life as a new mom would be. During pregnancy that is, and the fantasy
world that I created of what life with a baby would be like. Ahh, the good ole days of daydreaming of what
I thought being a mom would be
like. No matter how many people tell you
different or how much advice we are given, I believe as first time parents it’s
easy to concoct in our naïve heads what we think our days will consist of. After approximately 1,126 diaper changes,
1,465 feedings and roughly 165 days of interrupted
sleep, the light at the end of this seemingly foggy and sleep deprived stupor
is getting brighter. As well as my skin tone and my outlook on my days! No longer do Chris and I wonder why people
have 2+ children (I mean seriously, how could you want to be this exhausted
again!), nor do I wake up with only one eye open barely able to make it to the
coffee pot to press ‘brew’. Instead, I
find myself leaping out of bed when little Autumn shrieks her first morning cry
or babble (somewhere between 530am-8am these days) and in incredible content
with how the day begins, feed her a bottle and begin what has been amounting to
a more routine sort of a day (as routine as this non-routine mama gets.) – Ray Romano
So how did I get through the first
few months of night-wakings and few REM cycles?
I learned to relax and rest and as the old saying goes, if I
could, sleep when she sleeps. I’ve never been the type to need sleep, so I’ve prided myself
on. I have resisted sleep since I was a
child in fact. I wouldn’t sleep when I
was a baby. My mom has shared stories of
her and my dad bouncing me on the end of their bed for hours at a time only to
be told I was being overstimulated and to just put. me. down. I needed to figure out the sleep thing on my
own. When I was a toddler my mom had to
lock me in my room in order to sleep (oh the things we have to look forward to
with Autumn, right Mom?) In gradeschool,
I was often up before my alarm went off.
In middle school I would wake up to watch the news or catch up on a good
book (yes, I was a nerd, but seemingly prideful of it). In high school between sports and AP classes,
I would often find myself getting a minimal 4 hours of sleep and somehow
surviving without coffee. I often wonder
how I did it. Then college rolled around
and I was just as busy as any college student is, the discovery of a good
cup-of-joe (or 10 a day) was made (thank God) and somehow I kept afloat in 18
hr. semesters on a wing and a prayer.
Grad school was a different story, I discovered time management and not
procrastinating (hallelujah!) I discovered distance running and the theory that
the more energy you expend, more often than not you’ll get that energy tenfold
in return. My days ran more efficiently
and I carried that into my life and job after graduation. I had the mentality that you could sleep when you were dead. Then God laughed at me and sent us a beautiful little angel in the form of Autumn. I had to learn a completely different style of efficiency and multi-tasking. Couple that with Postpartum complications and
the sheer fact that I may have only reached REM cycle 2 times that week (in
desperate need of a caffeine I.V.) and hence where being in mere survival mode
for several months came from. I needed sleep more than ever and for the
first time couldn’t get it when I wanted it!
Coming from the mom who thought she
could do it all and then some in the first few months post-partum, I hereby am
standing on my soap-box( and shouting) sleep
when you can, damnit, the world can wait.
Let the dustbunnies battle it out with the swirling doghair, or cathair
or any other 4 legged or 2 legged hair that collects. Let your mind relax. Spend no less than 2
hours a day just staring, ooing and awing over your little miracle. Take naps, lots of them, and don’t feel
guilty about it. Keep meals simple or if
well meaning friends and family want to deliver and you’re still in your p.js.
at 5pm and don’t want to greet them, leave a sign on your door asking them to
drop and go (you’ll be surprised at those that understand what you’re going
through!) Keep tight to the focus on the
nucleus. It’s all about bonding time for
mom, dad and baby. It’s essential and
primal. That’s what matters the most, no
one else. Not well meaning family or
friends who insist that they have to get their hands on that baby, if you’re
not wanting to share, you don’t have to until you’re ready (The Golden Rule
need not apply here, it’s your baby,
and it’s time to put your grown-up pants on.
If you need time to yourselves, take it.) Don’t fixate on the routine. It’s an easy mistake to make. Every baby is different so learn to read your
little one’s cues. Some may be on a
schedule, or if they’re anything like our high needs little Autumn, they’ll
have a rotating schedule that changes frequently and you know what? You roll with it! Babies don’t come with timers that go off when
they are hungry or tired, although life would be so much easier, right? But what’s the fun in that? Part of exploring your parenting instincts
(and I say parents because Dads can be just as involved in this process as
well, Chris certainly was) is learning to read when he/she is hungry or
tired. And sometimes it may be both and
you just may get lucky enough that your little one dozes off to sleep
simultaneously with a full belly and those certainly are the moments that make
you pause. You look lovingly into that sweet little
sleepy face and wonder how they got that perfect. And you know for certain in your heart that
yours is the most perfect of them all.
Energy levels restored, and I feel
like a whole new woman and mom. Life is good.
And more than ever, I have been catapulted into understanding the
woman’s body post-partum more than ever and what it takes for her to heal.
I was obsessed with Autumn’s growth and the changes a woman’s body takes
on during pregnancy. I was a fanatic
about trying to exercise and eat everything right so that she would develop to
her fullest capability inside the womb.
For me, that was the easy part.
The hard part, has been trying to stabilize everything post-partum,
physically, emotionally, and mentally as a new mom all the while caring for a
little one, being a part-time work at home mom (WAHM as it is so lovingly referred
to) and being sleep deprived. It’s no new story though, because I am not
the first! This is every new mom’s struggle but it’s something that mom’s tend
to bury under the cuteness of their new bundle of joy. Until now, when more women are speaking out
about their struggles and I am here to join the ranks. Physically, most doctors will say it takes
the same about of time it took to cook a baby to actually get back to your same
physical self and I believe it! And I’m not just talking about the scales. Holistically, the mental and emotional
component to motherhood has just as much of an impact on your physical self and
vice versa. Now more than ever I
recognize the struggles of working out with little sleep and low energy. And it’s not just about the physical there
either, no sir. Mentally, your tenacity,
focus and drive shifts. There literally
is a chemical shift in mom’s brain, call it natural progression. Sure you want to be as healthy as you can be,
for you and for your little sprite, but it no longer is just about you anymore. If you’re walking/jogging with baby you’re
concerned about crying, feeding schedules, dirty diapers, toys being flung out
of the stroller, new mommy advice, the 10,000 things around the house that
aren’t done and the inability for you to no longer ‘clear your mind’ as easily
as you could on that daily stroll or run begins. But it’s not all negative, simply a change.
I have more to come on my adventures in post-partum running but for now,
I will just say that it has been a learning process that has come from my
greatest teacher, Autumn! Thanks, chica!
Time
heals. It’s ancient wisdom in it’s
simplest form but for any new mom it’s hard to find your patience. But in due time, the sleepy eyes will
brighten, the constant internal dialogue of ‘PLEASE GO TO SLEEP LITTLE ONE!’
will begin to fade, and the extra zip
in your step returns. Energy abounds and
the sunny days are here again. Combine
that with the little sunshine you hold tight in your arms and though you may
have even enjoyed those tired times, you’ll enjoy these non-zombie like times even more.
Thanks for returning energy, I've
missed ya!
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