Watching Autumn Rose blossom....

I'm not supermom and day-by-day I am becoming okay with that.  Some days there is dog hair swirling on the floor, some days there are piles of laundry to be folded, rooms to be organized, other days I look down at my watch and realize that I have spent an entire 45 minutes trying to sooth a crying Autumn into taking a brief nap so that I get maybe 20 minutes to myself to just breathe.  What I have noticed now that Autumn is 5 months old (Wow, is it possible?!), is that my confidence as a mother is finally reaching a point where I'm satisfied.  The learning curve in the beginning was steep.  I'm talking K2 kind of steep. (or Mt. Brightside kind of steep? wink, wink) I felt like that the first initial months that went by we were simply in survival mode.  Now, I feel like we are more on a schedule.  This anti-routine fanatic is finally getting out of her old habits and developing a routine, mostly for the sake of my sanity.  Point being, we're reaching an entirely new happiness as a family that previously was lost in the fog of new parenthood.  I found this quote to be quite appropriate..


 "The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." ~Rajneesh

Just as little Autumn is adapting to being a brand new being in this big world, I am learning how to be a mom.  Is is instinct? Partially.  In my opinion, it's 50% instinct, 25% winging it, and the other 25% I call just throwing all the love you have in your heart into that little being, hope it sticks and that that is enough to make them realize that even though they have been crying for an hour and you can't figure out why, that you love them and as an homage to the Beatles, isn't that truly all they need? The answer is a big, fat YES.  That, and you can never spoil a baby. And believe you me, Autumn's needs are met above and beyond.

Grow, Autumn, Grow.
 
Autumn's an absolute joy.  I can say with confidence that she spends the majority of her days happy.  She's got a smile on her face, a cackle in her babble and a pep in her elated expression of flailing her arms (we now lovingly call this doing the Autumn.  Yes, she's only 5 months old and she already has a dance move named after her. She's that awesome.)  This is drastically different from the baby that somedays both Chris and I felt like we didn't know simply because we couldn't figure out what would make her happy.   As two semi-perfectionist parents we used to beat ourselves up if we couldn't swaddle her perfectly, comfort her every cry and make her the happiest baby on the block 24/7 (although I must say, Dr. Harvey Karps white noise has worked wonders on her sleep schedule, thank God.)  How naive we were to understanding that babies will cry, ALOT, and it's ok.  Even though we would repeat this over and over to ourselves it still beats you up inside to hear them cry (and I hear that this is a reaction that doesn't go away even if they are 50!)  It's a visceral response for me.  An aching in my gut, I suppose this is the physical response to the motherly instinct.  I swear if I were wearing a monitor in the morning when she awakes my blood pressure would be elevated along with my heartrate.  It's bizarre but completely understandable that this is how a mama (even a tired one) should react at the sound of her little one's cry.  So without further adieu, as I have been postponing posts to finally get Autumn's birth story told, I bring you the little bean in all her glory in the last few months of her precious little life... A few of the milestones that she has reached so far:

• Gimme the good stuff mama and dada!--  We're  into solids territory and let me tell you it's messy!  This girl now has two bathtimes a day at least but worth it when you see that big grin after she's taken her first bite of bananas, sweet potatoes and next?? Avocados when Chris returns from the field!  I'll be sure to update more on her adventures into being a foodie!
• Happy Baby!- In more ways than one.  But the one that this yoga instructor mama is so proud of is her mastering of the yoga move happy baby.  You know, the one where they grab their feet with their little hands and bring them up to their mouth (their flexibility is astounding!) She rocks this move at least 50 times a day.  Perhaps there is a theme to this move?
• Biking with baby- Chris and I splurged and purchased a bike carrier online and it has been one of the best investments yet (besides our BOB stroller which our amazing family and friends purchased for us).  On those hot, humid and physically draining days where we don't feel like jogging with her we take to the road on two wheels and the little lady loves her ride.  We just plop her in her carseat in it (until she is old enough to sit up on her own) and she passes out for the next hour or two while Chris and I catch up and have a real, live, adult conversation.  Amazing.
• Babble, babble, babble- She's especially found of all the 'b' sounds at this moment and is it something that is quite hilarious to witness.  It truly is a double -over -in- laughter moment when you witness your 5 month old enunciate her constants that she is learning so feverishly, persistently and with plenty of spit to boot.  She's especially a pro at blowing raspberries.  (As I get more savvy with video uploads, I'll have to post one.  Chris and I die with laughter when we witness these times with her)

We realize pretty soon, we'll have a crawler on our hands (AHH!) Which means babyproofing everything at a 2 foot level and vacuuming three times a day.  Thank goodness this little girl isn't allergic to dogs and doesn't mind having hair all over her onesies and in her sticky little hands.  It's just a part of the beautiful chaos of parenthood and for me, Just Another Day in Paradise as Phil Vassar put it so many years ago.  I'm a sucker for soundtracking my life and this song pops into my head at least several times a week and again, a sanity check that all the chaos is what makes having a family that much more meaningful.

So here goes Autumn, growing up in pictures from 3 months until now.....

 ~sleeping to the crashing ocean waves. So peaceful.~

 ~Our sweet beach babe~

 ~Bonding time~

 ~just plain cuteness~

 ~Happy 3 month's Autumn Rose from Auntie Jenna and Uncle James!~

 ~Thank you Uncle James for the reminder!~

 ~Baby Bliss~

 ~She loves to fly!~

 ~Easter 2012~

 ~Oh no you didn't mama!~

 ~Cousins all the way from Orlando!~

 ~Bassinet time thanks to the handiwork of Dexter and Autumn's Great-Grandpa Laughlin~

 ~Loving her bathtime~

 ~Happy 4 month Birthday Autumn!~

 ~Pure happiness~

 ~The beginning of the modified-down-dog aka I'm-going-to-be-crawling-soon maneuver!~

 ~'Look what I can do!'~

 ~Happy baby!~

 ~Our little side sleeper~

 ~Adventures in solids begin: Rice Cereal!~

 ~Sweet kisses~

 ~Rockin' the shades~

 ~I'm cute and I know it!~

 ~Sisterly love~

 ~Frozen strawberries!~

 ~Rockin' her mullet/neckhawk!~

 ~First time on the swings= LOVE~

 ~Pure Love.~

 ~Wrapped around Daddy's finger~

 ~Best buds!~

 ~Look ma and dad! No hands!~

 ~'I don't think they're watching, maybe I can nab that cookie afterall!~

 ~'Sweet potatoes? YES PLEASE!~

 ~Pincher grab!~

 ~'Why have you been depriving me of these all my life!'~

 ~Love that smile.~

 ~Happy 5 Month Birthday from Auntie Meg!~

 ~Daddy's future soccer pal~

It's amazing to look at her growth over the past 3 months.  Maybe this routine thing will work out and I can actually track her growth weekly, telling about all of our adventures as a family of 5 (pups included of course).   Maybe it will continue to take me awhile to find the time to do everything and I'm becoming okay with that. It's been a wild, crazy, messy but completely glorious five months of our lives.  Chris and I have learned more about ourselves, more about each other and more about what it means to be responsible for a little being.  Perspectives change, priorities change, tears are shed, and laughter permeates through the house.  These are the realities of having little Autumn in our lives and we wouldn't change it for anything in the entire world.